Free Writing Fridays: Hooking Up Is For Sluts, Not Feminists

The Axiom Of Respect

Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior

By Treating Themselves And Others

Respectfully And Respecting

Only Those Who Earn It

Yesterday, I read the article “Hooking Up For Sex: Sluts Or New Feminists?” and have been thinking about it ever since. As a 48-year-old woman who has been married nearly 30 years with three grown children, a business degree, and a deep desire to help our society, I would like to join the conversation about this “new kind of feminism” where women defend their “right to have sex whenever and with whomever they choose.” I grew up in the 1960’s and 70’s and have seen our nation change from having a generally traditional culture to our culture of today, and while there have been a number of great improvements, for the most part, I do not like what I see. In fact, I believe that our society is currently headed down a road to some extremely difficult times.

First, I want you to know where I am coming from: I am not affiliated with an organized religion because I believe that such institutions can be extremely rigid, hypocritical, and unloving. Politically, I am neither conservative nor liberal. I believe in fiscal responsibility and social equality; therefore, I do not fit in either major party. I was a stay-at-home mother for 15 years and believe that children are best raised by their parents, not daycare centers or schools. However, I believe women should enjoy every opportunity men take for granted and will be happy when the “glass ceiling” is broken on every level. I am not a traditionalist, and I am not a feminist.

To me, feminism has helped to create both good and bad in our society. Feminism has made it possible for all women to be free to pursue every career. Further, woman today can be independent and live their lives for themselves. In addition, men now play a more active role in raising children and running the home, which benefits parents and children, resulting in stronger familial bonds.

On the other hand, I believe that in many ways, feminism has also been devastating for children and male-female relationships. Countless women no longer value the vital role of being a mother (not just giving birth, but actively mothering children), and because of this, we now have a nation of children without character, a work ethic, communication skills, a sense of responsibility, or social graces. Moreover, relationships have become disposable, and a lot of women think “empowered” means cutting down men for being masculine.

To me, these “new feminists” are nothing more than sluts who are so delusional that they don’t even know they should be ashamed of themselves. They are not good for other women, men, or our country in general. It is completely illogical to believe that you can have casual sex without physical or emotional consequences, and as for the casual sex double standard, women should be pushing for men to also be labeled as “sluts” and “whores” for engaging in this type of behavior, instead of encouraging this ridiculous notion that “a real woman uses her sexuality in any way she pleases.” Additionally, we do not have to limit ourselves to the extremes of abstinence and promiscuity. There is a middle ground of making sure you know someone long enough before sleeping with him or her so that your sexual relationships remain meaningful.

Perhaps it is time for woman to embrace their femininity, intelligence, and valuable role in making our nation, families, and relationships strong.

Anna Sherise
Co-Creator of Magna Sententia
Co-Author of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society

Update: Craigslist Killer’s Former Fiancée Moves On

The Axiom Of Respect

Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior

By Treating Themselves And Others

Respectfully And Respecting

Only Those Who Earn It

On Monday, Phillip Markoff, the accused “Craigslist Killer,” pled not guilty to the charge of first-degree murder, despite what prosecutors say is overwhelming evidence against him. Notably absent from the courtroom was Megan McAllister, Markoff’s former fiancée.

According to her lawyer, Bob Honecker, McAllister has not seen Markoff since June 11, 2009. On that day, she “traveled to Boston to meet with the Suffolk Country District Attorney’s Office” and told Markoff “she planned to attend medical school.” (“Accused ‘Craigslist Killer’ Won’t See Former Fiancée for ‘Long Period of Time’“) She “also let him know that she did not expect to return to Boston and it would be quite a long period of time, if ever, before she saw him again.”

We commend McAllister for the manner in which she has conducted herself throughout this undoubtedly difficult time, and we want her to know that her resilient behavior is a tremendous illustration of what it means to treat yourself respectfully and protect yourself from unhealthy relationships, vital elements of Magna Sententia. We are proud of her for continuing to work toward her goal of attending medical school and becoming a physician, even though her life totally changed in an instant. So many of us would have found her situation debilitating.

While we know that this must be unbelievably hard for her, McAllister is setting such a wonderful example for all of us: By ending her relationship with Markoff, she is allowing the “court of law [to determine who] is the real Philip Markoff,” thus protecting herself from getting buried deeper and deeper into his problems and alleged destructive behavior. This is the smartest choice she could make, especially considering that “some of the details released in the last several days, particularly at the arraignment, were very disturbing.”

Megan McAllister’s situation is an albeit extreme case of finding yourself involved with the wrong person, but it does not lessen the value of making the decision to walk away from those who are hurting us, treating us disrespectfully, or making our lives miserable.

Anna and Ellie Sherise
Creators of Magna Sententia
Authors of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society

Update: Rihanna & Chris Brown May Be Reconciling

The Axiom Of Respect

Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior

By Treating Themselves And Others

Respectfully And Respecting

Only Those Who Earn It

Rihanna fans around the world are reacting to the news that she and Chris Brown may be reconciling. For many, it is extremely disappointing, and for others, it even calls into question whether Rihanna remains the positive role model she has been for a multitude of young girls.

According to “Rihanna: Role Model No More?“, many teen girls feel that Rihanna is “not sending the right message to kids.” As 17-year-old Britteny Hughes put it, Rihanna is “making it seem like its OK to get hit by your boyfriend and get back together with him.” Some are even vowing not to listen to her music in the future: “She’s just retarded and I just hope she knows that I’m not going to listen to her ever again,” said Maggie, a 15-year-old former fan and student at New York City’s High school for Environmental Studies.

We are pleased that there are strong young women out there who do not tolerate domestic violence in any degree. Magna Sententia specifies that not only should we strive to treat others respectfully, but we must also treat ourselves respectfully, which includes protecting ourselves from unhealthy relationships.

Domestic violence typically starts with the abuser demeaning and belittling his victim, gradually escalating to controlling behavior and physical assault. If you have someone in your life who abuses you in any way, find safety immediately. You do not need this person in your life, no matter how much you think you do. True love doesn’t hurt, and you are worthy of true love.

A special note to mothers: If your partner abuses you in front of your children, it is your responsibility to protect them by leaving. Please, do not allow your children to witness such destructive behavior because this greatly increases the risk that they will become abusers or victims of abuse themselves. (Chris Brown’s stepfather beat his mother.)

As we stated in “Respect Only Those Who Earn It: Chris Brown Allegedly Beats Rihanna,” if you are a victim of domestic violence, please seek assistance immediately. There are many wonderful, caring people throughout our country that can help you escape your abuser. (The number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which is open 24 hours a day in all 50 states, is 1-800-799-SAFE[7233].)

Anna and Ellie Sherise
Creators of Magna Sententia
Authors of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society

Ted Haggard Is Still In Denial & Still Hurting People

The Axiom Of Respect

Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior

By Treating Themselves And Others

Respectfully And Respecting

Only Those Who Earn It

Ted Haggard, former “pastor of the 12,000 member New Life Church” in Colorado Springs and former “head of the 30 million-member National Association of Evangelicals,” is back in the news again, two years after “male prostitute Mike Jones accused of him of paying for sex and crystal meth.” (“Ted Haggard Speaks Out After Two-Year Silence“)

This time, although Haggard “apologizes” to the LGBT Community for “all the pain, all the rejection, and all the hurt [he] caused” and insists that he is “deeply sorry for the attitude [he] had,” it is clear that he still hasn’t come to terms with his own sexuality (heterosexual “with issues”?!) and that he is still causing great damage by promoting the absolutely ridiculous notion that homosexuality “isn’t OK” and requires “treatment.”

Haggard “acknowledged that his religion forced him to suppress a fundamental part of who he is,” but claims he “no longer struggles with his sexuality. On occasion he still imagines being with men, but he says these thoughts are ‘not compelling.’” “‘People can judge me,’ he said. ‘I think it’s fair that they judge me and that they think that I’m not being real with myself.’”

No, Haggard is definitely not being real with himself. In fact, he is beyond denial and entering delusional. We just hope he stops this nonsense and faces the truth before more people (including his wife and family) get hurt (again)! It is extremely unfortunate that he continues to believe sexual orientation is something you chose. On the contrary, sexual orientation is innate, and to believe otherwise only makes you judgmental (and often cruel) toward others and/or untrue to yourself.

We happen to be heterosexual, but we do have people in our lives who are homosexual, and it is painful to witness them being mistreated and discriminated against. Although society is not nearly as prejudiced as it was in the past (please go see the movie Milk), gays and lesbians are still treated as second-class citizens every day across our nation.

Many religious organizations are guilty of perpetuating this hate, and Haggard is living proof that once the belief that homosexuality is wrong becomes engrained in you, it is nearly impossible to shake. Haggard would help himself tremendously if he would just admit that he is homosexual and start living a life of truth. Not only would this be a gift to himself, but he could also become a positive example for others.

Following Magna Sententia, it is imperative that you accept your true self, which is the basic elements of you that are permanent, fundamental, and innate (including your sexual orientation). Your true self isn’t positive or negative; it just is. To deny that you are homosexual is to deny you, which is terribly unhealthy. Furthermore, if individuals cannot accept you because you are homosexual, then they are not worth having in your life anyway, even if they are your family or “friends.”

For true strength and success, we must come together as a nation and treat our fellow Americans respectfully, in spite of our differences.

Anna and Ellie Sherise
Creators of Magna Sententia
Authors of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society

“You Might Have An STD” E-Postcards: Life Doesn’t Have To Be This Painful

The Axiom Of Respect

Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior

By Treating Themselves And Others

Respectfully And Respecting

Only Those Who Earn It

For better or worse, the Information Age is changing our lives by the day: We now keep up with family and friends via e-mail and text messaging, we use online banking and bill pay, and last week, Google launched Mail Goggles, an add-on that protects us from sending drunken emails. This week, there is even more good (?) news: We can now anonymously send an e-postcard to our past sexual partners, alerting them that we have been diagnosed with an STD. (“Got Unhappy STD News? Break It With An E-Card“)

“A public health Web site called Inspot.org has put the trend of e-cards, e-mail, and e-vites to a unique purpose: the e-postcard that notifies you that a past sexual partner came down with a sexually transmitted disease or infection. The sender can choose the STD, and whether to disclose their name, while Inspot.org will automatically send a list of local health resources to the recipient.” (“You’ve Got Mail . . . And An STD“)

Public opinion varies about the e-postcards, which contain messages including “You’re too hot to be out of action – I got diagnosed with herpes since we played”: Betsy O’Rourke, “a registered nurse and the American Social Health Association herpes board moderator,” “‘[thinks] they’re absolutely wonderful’” and will help prevent the spread of STDs.

On the other hand, Gail Wyatt, “a clinical psychologist, sex therapist and professor in the department of psychiatry and biobehavioral sciences at the University of California in Los Angeles,” “thinks the best way to tell a person about an STD is the old fashioned way: in person.” “‘It would be very psychologically damaging to someone who thought they had a relationship with an individual and then they end up with an e-mail like this,’ said Wyatt. ‘I think they’re sarcastic, I think they’re making light of a very serious situation.’”

In regard to Magna Sententia, these e-cards raise the question of whether we can consider ourselves responsible and respectful if we notify past sexual partners of an STD diagnosis in this manner. The short answer: not really.

Yes, you are obligated to notify past sexual partners if you are diagnosed with an STD, and while the respectful way to do so is in person, e-mail notification is far superior to none at all. Nevertheless, all of this is beside the point: We are sleeping with way too many people, much too soon. (Note: there are individuals in monogamous relationships who contract STDs because their partners are or become infected, do not realize it, and/or cheat on them, but this is not today’s focus.) The crux of the matter is that regardless of what is acceptable in our culture, it is irresponsible to sleep with individuals if you do not know them well enough to openly discuss having an STD.

We live in a society where numbers of people sleep together without any true bond. Many do not bat an eye at “hooking up” for a night of fun, and in quite a few circles, there is very little social stigma attached to sleeping with one guy (or girl) after another. Movies, television, books, and magazines glamorize sleeping together on the first date or soon thereafter, but in real life, having sex with someone you do not know well is not so glamorous: More times than not, you get used, taken advantage of, mixed up with someone who is not good for you, and/or end up with an STD.

The concept of courting would solve this dilemma and make our lives much less painful. Courting is a period at the beginning of a relationship during which couples spend time doing things together, such as going out to dinner, watching movies, playing tennis or golf, and hiking, without having sex. This provides couples with the opportunity to learn about one another without putting themselves emotionally or physically at risk. This doesn’t mean that you have wait until marriage to have sex or be a complete prude; rather, it just means that you will be better off in the long run if you take your time and really get to know someone before sleeping with him or her.

Even if our intent is to have a lasting relationship, going from partner to partner is emotionally draining and unhealthy, and our entire society would reap the benefits of us treating ourselves and those in our lives respectfully.

Anna and Ellie Sherise
Creators of Magna Sententia
Authors of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society

Yes, I’m Still Single

The Axiom Of Respect

Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior

By Treating Themselves And Others

Respectfully And Respecting

Only Those Who Earn It

As a 20-something single, I’ve endured my fair share of demeaning relationship-status comments/questions: “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” “Don’t you want to get married?” “Eventually, won’t you want children?” “You’d better hurry and find someone. Your parents are going to want grandchildren!” And one I find particularly rude, “Oh . . . are you a lesbian?” (I’m heterosexual, but if I were a lesbian, the way this question is put would be extremely insulting.)

These questions have no good answers: Whether I “just haven’t met the right person” or am “focusing on my career right now,” the response is either pity or blame: “Don’t worry, it will happen,” or “So that’s why she’s still single.”

If you’ve had similar experiences, you know that even if it’s unintentional, all of this dialogue tends to imply that somehow you and your life are inadequate if you aren’t in a relationship, or if you’re in a relationship, that there is something wrong in your relationship if you aren’t married, or if you are married, there is something missing in your life if you don’t have children.

The truth is that the status of your relationship (or your lack thereof) is no one’s business but your own, so even if you are pestered, have enough self-confidence not to degrade yourself: Don’t make up an “excuse” that is self-depreciating or share more about your situation than you’re comfortable with. Remember, you are a worthy and valuable person just as you are.

Also the truth: You must learn to love yourself and your life, regardless of whether or not you ever have a significant other, partner, spouse, or children, and if you decide to get married and/or have children, it should be because you want to, not because your friends, parents, in-laws, relatives, or co-workers are making you feel badly.

“Angst Of Being Single In Wedding Season”

Ellie Sherise
Co-Creator of Magna Sententia
Co-Author of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society

Ligature Marks

The Axiom Of Respect

Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior

By Treating Themselves And Others

Respectfully And Respecting

Only Those Who Earn It

Domestic violence is never a pleasant subject to talk about, but unfortunately, the discussion is necessary, especially in light of today’s news:

According to the CNN article “Dad Charged with Murder in Bride’s ‘Honor Killing’,” Chaudhry Rashid, a Pakistani man living in Jonesboro, Georgia, is accused of killing his daughter, Sandeela Kanwal, because she no longer wanted to stay married to a man she “recently had wed in Pakistan in an arranged marriage.” Apparently in some cultures, murdering female family members for supposedly bringing their families shame is referred to as “honor killings.” According to the article, it was estimated in late 2000 that every year “as many as 5,000 women and girls” are victims of “honor killings.”

While killing a daughter for her desire to divorce is an extreme case, it is one more example of the countless adult children in our country who are victims of domestic violence at the hands of their parents. Adult children, meaning those 18 years of age or over, must realize that they can Release, or cut all ties with, their abusive parents without guilt.

Please, if your parents are emotionally, verbally, or physically abusive to you, leave them behind. You do NOT have to continue to be treated poorly by someone just because they are related to you. You are under NO obligation to have anything to do with people who abuse you, and this includes your parents. If your abusive parents end up alone with no one to care for them, that is their problem, not yours. In fact, it is exactly what they deserve.

Remember, you owe no one an explanation when it comes to your personal safety.

Anna and Ellie Sherise
Creators of Magna Sententia
Authors of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society