Dear Anna and Ellie:
Please help. I am 60 years old, married to my husband for the last 35 years, and going nuts because he won’t lift a finger to make our falling apart home nice again. We moved here 22 years ago, and the house was brand new. We raised our kids, and now the place needs some major fixing up, but he refuses. He says things are fine, and he is too tired to start a big project anyway.
In the 22 years we have lived here, I have re-painted a few rooms, but nothing else, and now we need new carpet, new furniture, new flooring in the bathroom, and a whole lot of other stuff. The place is embarrassing and awful.
How can I get my husband to understand that I am not being unreasonable when I ask him to help fix up the house and also agree with me that we need to put some money into it?
Thanks in advance.
–Hate Living Here
Dear Hate Living Here:
Part of Magna Sententia’s Axiom of Respect is treating property respectfully, and letting your home fall into disrepair is not treating your home respectfully (not to mention imprudent, as this will almost certainly decrease the value of your home).
You are being completely reasonable: After 22 years, we’re quite sure that your home needs “new carpet, new furniture, new flooring in the bathroom, and a whole lot of other stuff!” To retain their value, homes must be maintained and occasionally updated.
This doesn’t mean you have to spend money you don’t have, which may be your husband’s chief concern. Prioritize your updates, and do your research to find good values. Everything doesn’t have to be done all at once.
True, things are just things; however, it is also true that how people take care of their things says a lot about them. While we don’t advocate going into debt (especially for non-necessities), we also don’t think you should have to live in a home you “hate.”
–Anna & Ellie
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