Dear Anna and Ellie:
I am a guy in my mid-thirties, and I have worked really hard all of my life to make something of myself. I’ve always been responsible and tried to do the best I could. My career is great, but my personal life is almost nonexistent.
The problem is that I don’t want to go with a party girl or a man-hater. I know that sounds harsh, but it really seems to be all that is out there. Either they are wild and irresponsible, or responsible and insist on proving that they don’t need a man. Isn’t there anyone in between?
I’m not a chauvinist. I think it’s great that women have choices and careers. I would just like a feminine, responsible girlfriend who doesn’t mind if I buy her dinner. Is this too much to ask? Are my standards too high?
I don’t want to be a picky jerk who is alone forever, but I don’t want to settle either. What should I do?
–Where Have All The Good Women Gone?
Dear Where Have All The Good Women Gone?:
You don’t sound like a “picky jerk” to us. In fact, we think you seem quite sensible, and we encourage you to look at your situation in a different light: You are a guy in your mid-thirties who, while admittedly lonely, has not messed up your life getting involved with the wrong women. This takes courage and determination, and you should be commended for accomplishing this because it is very difficult to be alone.
Just think of all the men your age who haven’t been so strong! They have children from their first marriage they don’t get to see as much as they’d like, or their heart breaks every time they think of their ex-wife since they didn’t want a divorce in the first place. Some are in the middle of their second divorce, wondering how they will ever pay child support for their three children to two different women. Then, there are those who are already all used up because the only thing they’ve done is party and have meaningless sex. Would you like to change places with any of these men?
From where we’re sitting, you are doing very well! You have kept your life drama and mess free, and you have the freedom to spend your time and money as you please.
There have always been, and will always be, wild and irresponsible women and men. Further, there will always be women with a “don’t-need-a-man” attitude. However, you must remember that there are also some really wonderful women out there who don’t fall into either category: They are responsible and want to share their life with the man they love.
Since you admit that your personal life is “almost nonexistent,” we suggest that you stop looking for the “right” woman and get involved with groups that appeal to you and/or causes that are important to you. This will introduce you to new people (both women and men) who share your interests and beliefs, and by making new friends, the odds are that you will feel less frustrated and lonely. What’s more, if you work on causes that are important to you, you will feel that your life has more meaning.
You still have lot of time in your life to find your partner, and all it takes is one! In the meantime, building a fulfilling personal life will be both satisfying and rewarding, something that can’t be said of getting involved with the wrong one.
–Anna & Ellie
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Disclaimer
Anna Sherise and Ellie Sherise are not licensed or trained healthcare professionals, counselors, or financial advisors. “Ask Anna & Ellie” is provided for informational purposes only, and is not intended to take the place of the care and advice given to you by your physician, counselor, other healthcare professional, or financial advisor. Sherise Media LLC, its members and representatives, specifically disclaim all responsibility for any liability, loss, or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this article and/or website.
