Free Writing Fridays: The Bachelorette Trivializes Marriage

The Axiom Of Realistic Expectations

Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior

By Having Realistic Expectations

For Themselves, Their Lives, And Others

Yesterday, the day after the “grand finale” of ABC’s The Bachelorette, Good Morning America interviewed this season’s Jillian Harris and her pick, Ed Swiderski. (Watch “‘The Bachelorette’s’ Morning After“) To be honest, the interview itself was enough to send me right over the edge: Harris acted like she was effervescing over a new puppy instead of committing to a new fiancé, and Swiderski played along beautifully in his role as her lap dog.

I’m fine with reality television talent shows, and even voyeuristic shows chronicling the life of music and television stars, but picking your spouse on a reality television show is just ridiculous. For me, marriage is too serious of a commitment, and much too personal of a choice, to be played out in front of television crews and a national audience. Further, the “contestants” on these shows and their relationships seem so horribly superficial, they damage the idea of marriage.

What type of message are we sending to young girls and boys with shows like this? That choosing their spouse is like picking a prize on a game show? Also, marriages often produce children, and even though most of these relationships don’t last (so why do people continue to watch them?!), the probability of this kind of show creating a union of two parents who are committed enough for the lasting relationship that children need is extremely low.

I realize that Trista Rehn married Ryan Sutter, a firefighter, in 2003 after meeting him on The Bachelorette in 2002 and they are happily married with two children. However, I believe they are the exception, not the rule, and the longer these types of shows air, the further away they get from “reality.”

Anna Sherise
Co-Creator of Magna Sententia
Co-Author of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society

A Different Lesson From Sgt. Crowley: The Value Of Loyalty

The Axiom Of Respect

Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior

By Treating Themselves And Others

Respectfully And Respecting

Only Those Who Earn It

Racial profiling and discrimination are inexcusable and continue to be serious issues in America, and we know that as whites we can never fully understand how it feels to be African American. However, after reviewing the facts of the case, it appears to us that (unlike the case of Dallas Police Officer Robert Powell and Ryan Moats) race did not influence Cambridge Police Sgt. James Crowley’s actions in the incident with Professor Henry Louis “Skip” Gates Jr., and while there are many things to be learned from this incident, one that is not receiving the attention it deserves is the value of loyalty and the importance of standing up for what is right in the midst of opposition.

In today’s world, we don’t often have the opportunity to see loyalty in action. In fact, many of us would find it challenging to remember a time when numbers of individuals stood up for someone they believed in to those more powerful and popular. Magna Sententia defines loyalty as the quality of faithfulness and steadfast allegiance, and fortunately for all of us, Cambridge law enforcement officers have provided a magnificent example in their support for Sgt. Crowley:

Far too often, when we see injustice, we find it easier to keep silent for fear of negative repercussions. Listening to these officers stand up for their friend and fellow officer during a time when he is being falsely accused and disparaged in many national media outlets is a wonderful model for us to follow when we witness injustice in our own lives: Let’s not be afraid to express our allegiance when we know someone else is on the receiving end of unfairness.

We commend the brave, loyal officers who came to Sgt. Crowley’s defense, and thank them for their service to their community and especially for their character.

Anna and Ellie Sherise
Creators of Magna Sententia
Authors of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society

Ask Anna & Ellie: Rude Men Who Sit At Your Table Uninvited

Dear Anna and Ellie:

I bought your book and liked the section on “Cordiality.” However, my question does not seem to be answered in your book: It seems that more and more when I am in a restaurant with one of my friends, and she leaves the table for a few minutes, men come to our table and sit down, expecting me to talk to them. I think this is completely obnoxious, and while I don’t want to be rude, I am getting increasingly annoyed.

How should I act in this situation? I want to “treat others respectfully,” but I am getting angrier every time this happens.

Thanks.

–Annoyed By Rude Men

Dear Annoyed:

This is a really excellent question because it essentially boils down to learning how to balance “treating yourself respectfully” and “treating others respectfully,” two very important concepts that at times can seem to be at odds with one another:

Clearly, the former greatly outweighs the latter when it comes to personal safety and the safety of others. If one of these obnoxious guys won’t leave you alone and you feel threatened, do not hesitate to take steps to protect yourself (alert restaurant personnel, make sure someone accompanies you to your car, etc.). It is better to be safe than sorry!

It is utterly presumptuous and rude for men to come and sit at your table without permission, especially when you are all alone. Please don’t confuse “treating others respectfully” with being a pushover who puts up with inappropriate behavior (which, by the way, would not be “treating yourself respectfully”). Rather, it means holding yourself to a high standard of behavior, even when you have to stand up for yourself. (Don’t just start cursing these men out!) Put simply, balancing “treating yourself respectfully” and “treating others respectfully” could be defined as having strength and character.

If this happens to you again, tell the guy in no uncertain terms that you want him to leave your table. For instance, you could say, “I’m not interested in talking to you. Please leave,” or “I don’t remember giving you permission to sit at my table. Now go back to your own.” These examples may sound harsh, but they are quite reasonable given the situation.

Your anger is justified, but you will certainly feel much better if you are direct and stand up for yourself the next time.

–Anna & Ellie

Do you have a life or relationship question for Anna and Ellie? Do you want to know how Magna Sententia applies to your situation? Submit your question here!

Disclaimer
Anna Sherise and Ellie Sherise are not licensed or trained healthcare professionals, counselors, or financial advisors. “Ask Anna & Ellie” is provided for informational purposes only, and is not intended to take the place of the care and advice given to you by your physician, counselor, other healthcare professional, or financial advisor. Sherise Media LLC, its members and representatives, specifically disclaim all responsibility for any liability, loss, or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this article and/or website.

Anna Suggests: Boycott Bruno

Last Saturday, a young friend of mine invited me to go to the new Sacha Baron Cohen movie, Bruno. I was not excited about this particular choice since I saw Borat a few years ago and thought that for the most part, it was a waste of film. However, I wanted to spend some time with my friend and decided to join her. . . . Long story short, I had to suffer through the most disgusting, disrespectful, awful movie I have ever seen!

Please, don’t go to see this movie!

The film has no redeeming qualities, and in my opinion, is an insult to the LGBT Community. The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) president Jarrett Barrios agrees, stating the film “reinforces negative stereotypes and decreases the public’s comfort with gay people.” (“GLAAD: Bruno Reinforces Negative Gay Stereotypes“) If you are homosexual, or have a homosexual loved one, you will undoubtedly be outraged at the impudence with which the LGBT Community is portrayed.

For its part, “Universal Pictures maintains that Bruno is a satire that ‘uses provocative comedy to powerfully shed light on the absurdity of many kinds of intolerance and ignorance, including homophobia.’” I believe that this statement is utterly and completely disingenuous. In fact, if Bruno does anything, it will set back the understanding and acceptance of homosexuals many years.

For example, the scene where “Bruno is in a hot tub with his adopted infant son and two naked men involved in a sex act” is sure to insight intolerance (and possibly even aggression) against homosexual parents. Once again, Barrios feels the same, saying that this scene “[doesn't] help America understand the hundreds of thousands of gay families who get up every day, do the carpool then rush home to make dinner and be with their children.”

It is my hope that the American public will vote with their dollars and make it a point not to see this repulsive, appalling excuse for a movie.

Anna Sherise
Co-Creator of Magna Sententia
Co-Author of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society

Disclaimer
Anna Sherise and Ellie Sherise are not licensed or trained healthcare professionals, counselors, or financial advisors. This article is provided for informational purposes only, and is not intended to take the place of the care and advice given to you by your physician, counselor, other healthcare professional, or financial advisor. Sherise Media LLC, its members and representatives, specifically disclaim all responsibility for any liability, loss, or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this article and/or website.

Adult Children Are Not Responsible For Their Parents’ Bills

The Axiom Of Responsibility

Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior

By Taking Responsibility

For Themselves And Their Children

Shocking, but true: you could be held liable for your parent’s financial obligations.

“‘Filial support’ or ‘filial responsibility’ — the term often used to describe an adult child’s obligation to a parent” has become the legal basis for lawsuits brought by nursing homes against adult children for their parents’ unpaid nursing home bills. (“Pay Your Parents’ Bills Or Else“)

The idea that adult children should be held legally responsible for their parents’ welfare dates back to 17th-century England and carried over to colonial America. Today, some form of filial support remains on the books in 30 states but, [. . .] only Pennsylvania and South Dakota have recent track records of health care providers using the law to sue patients’ children. It’s unclear whether nursing facilities in other states will ever employ the law in a similar fashion.

There aren’t words strong enough to adequately express our opposition to these laws and the idea of “filial responsibility.” According to Magna Sententia, you — and only you — are responsible for yourself once you reach 18 years of age. You are responsible for the financial decisions you make during your adult years: whether or not you save, live within your means, or prepare for your retirement years. How you go about doing this (or if you do this at all) is your business. If you fall on hard times and are not adequately prepared, it is no one’s fault but your own.

Please understand: If you want to help your parents in their time of need, by all means, do it. Forcing you to come to your parents’ aid, however, is entirely different: To legally burden you, the adult child, with your parents’ bills is outrageous! You didn’t make your parents’ financial decisions for them, so why should you be liable for their debts?

Also, consider the numbers of adult children who are estranged from their parents for good reason. Many times, this estrangement is the result of years and years of mistreatment, and this type of legal obligation would be an incredible burden on those who, in our opinion, have already suffered enough.

“Filial support” or “filial responsibility” is not a matter of taking care of your parents or loving them enough to help them out. It’s about making individuals responsible for something that isn’t their responsibility.

Anna and Ellie Sherise
Creators of Magna Sententia
Authors of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society

Ask Anna & Ellie: Maintaining Your Home Is A Good Investment

Dear Anna and Ellie:

Please help. I am 60 years old, married to my husband for the last 35 years, and going nuts because he won’t lift a finger to make our falling apart home nice again. We moved here 22 years ago, and the house was brand new. We raised our kids, and now the place needs some major fixing up, but he refuses. He says things are fine, and he is too tired to start a big project anyway.

In the 22 years we have lived here, I have re-painted a few rooms, but nothing else, and now we need new carpet, new furniture, new flooring in the bathroom, and a whole lot of other stuff. The place is embarrassing and awful.

How can I get my husband to understand that I am not being unreasonable when I ask him to help fix up the house and also agree with me that we need to put some money into it?

Thanks in advance.

–Hate Living Here

Dear Hate Living Here:

Part of Magna Sententia’s Axiom of Respect is treating property respectfully, and letting your home fall into disrepair is not treating your home respectfully (not to mention imprudent, as this will almost certainly decrease the value of your home).

You are being completely reasonable: After 22 years, we’re quite sure that your home needs “new carpet, new furniture, new flooring in the bathroom, and a whole lot of other stuff!” To retain their value, homes must be maintained and occasionally updated.

This doesn’t mean you have to spend money you don’t have, which may be your husband’s chief concern. Prioritize your updates, and do your research to find good values. Everything doesn’t have to be done all at once.

True, things are just things; however, it is also true that how people take care of their things says a lot about them. While we don’t advocate going into debt (especially for non-necessities), we also don’t think you should have to live in a home you “hate.”

–Anna & Ellie

Do you have a life or relationship question for Anna and Ellie? Do you want to know how Magna Sententia applies to your situation? Submit your question here!

Disclaimer
Anna Sherise and Ellie Sherise are not licensed or trained healthcare professionals, counselors, or financial advisors. “Ask Anna & Ellie” is provided for informational purposes only, and is not intended to take the place of the care and advice given to you by your physician, counselor, other healthcare professional, or financial advisor. Sherise Media LLC, its members and representatives, specifically disclaim all responsibility for any liability, loss, or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this article and/or website.

Join Anna & Ellie For The Pink Positive Ladies Workshop

Anna and Ellie are pleased to announce that they will be participating in the Pink Positive Ladies Workshop (see locations and dates below). Please join us for an informative, inspirational afternoon.

All ages are encouraged to attend. We would love to meet you!

Speakers
Anna and Ellie Sherise Creators of Magna Sententia	Level-headed advice for making wise decisions and getting the life you want.
Cammi Montieth, CTN, CNW, CMT Author of Get Real	Simple but powerful ways to never give up and getting rid of the negative in your life.
Sandy Baren Mountain Life Counseling	Nurturing your relationships.
Beth Boyd, CMT Neidra Yoga Instructor	Neidra Yoga meditation and relaxation class.
Lauri Aigner Health Coach	Proper nutrition for women’s health.

Craig, CO

Holiday Inn Ballroom
July 31, 2009

2:00 – 6:00 pm

Steamboat Springs, CO

Location TBA
August 1, 2009

2:00 – 6:00 pm

Workshop price is $67.00 for the entire day, and includes signed copies of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society by Anna and Ellie Sherise and Get Real by Cammi Montieth, CTN, CNW, CMT, as well as a Neidra Yoga CD by Beth Boyd, CMT.

Call 970.879.7277 to make your reservations today!

Ask Anna & Ellie: A Good Woman Is Hard To Find

Dear Anna and Ellie:

I am a guy in my mid-thirties, and I have worked really hard all of my life to make something of myself. I’ve always been responsible and tried to do the best I could. My career is great, but my personal life is almost nonexistent.

The problem is that I don’t want to go with a party girl or a man-hater. I know that sounds harsh, but it really seems to be all that is out there. Either they are wild and irresponsible, or responsible and insist on proving that they don’t need a man. Isn’t there anyone in between?

I’m not a chauvinist. I think it’s great that women have choices and careers. I would just like a feminine, responsible girlfriend who doesn’t mind if I buy her dinner. Is this too much to ask? Are my standards too high?

I don’t want to be a picky jerk who is alone forever, but I don’t want to settle either. What should I do?

–Where Have All The Good Women Gone?

Dear Where Have All The Good Women Gone?:

You don’t sound like a “picky jerk” to us. In fact, we think you seem quite sensible, and we encourage you to look at your situation in a different light: You are a guy in your mid-thirties who, while admittedly lonely, has not messed up your life getting involved with the wrong women. This takes courage and determination, and you should be commended for accomplishing this because it is very difficult to be alone.

Just think of all the men your age who haven’t been so strong! They have children from their first marriage they don’t get to see as much as they’d like, or their heart breaks every time they think of their ex-wife since they didn’t want a divorce in the first place. Some are in the middle of their second divorce, wondering how they will ever pay child support for their three children to two different women. Then, there are those who are already all used up because the only thing they’ve done is party and have meaningless sex. Would you like to change places with any of these men?

From where we’re sitting, you are doing very well! You have kept your life drama and mess free, and you have the freedom to spend your time and money as you please.

There have always been, and will always be, wild and irresponsible women and men. Further, there will always be women with a “don’t-need-a-man” attitude. However, you must remember that there are also some really wonderful women out there who don’t fall into either category: They are responsible and want to share their life with the man they love.

Since you admit that your personal life is “almost nonexistent,” we suggest that you stop looking for the “right” woman and get involved with groups that appeal to you and/or causes that are important to you. This will introduce you to new people (both women and men) who share your interests and beliefs, and by making new friends, the odds are that you will feel less frustrated and lonely. What’s more, if you work on causes that are important to you, you will feel that your life has more meaning.

You still have lot of time in your life to find your partner, and all it takes is one! In the meantime, building a fulfilling personal life will be both satisfying and rewarding, something that can’t be said of getting involved with the wrong one.

–Anna & Ellie

Do you have a life or relationship question for Anna and Ellie? Do you want to know how Magna Sententia applies to your situation? Submit your question here!

Disclaimer
Anna Sherise and Ellie Sherise are not licensed or trained healthcare professionals, counselors, or financial advisors. “Ask Anna & Ellie” is provided for informational purposes only, and is not intended to take the place of the care and advice given to you by your physician, counselor, other healthcare professional, or financial advisor. Sherise Media LLC, its members and representatives, specifically disclaim all responsibility for any liability, loss, or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this article and/or website.

Free Writing Fridays: Appreciating America This Fourth Of July

The Axiom Of Responsibility

Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior

By Taking Responsibility

For Themselves And Their Children

Tomorrow is the Fourth of July, and we want to encourage all Americans to take a moment and truly appreciate America. With all of our political, religious, and social differences, it is important for us to acknowledge how fortunate we are to be citizens of this great nation.

We must never forget the freedoms we enjoy here, freedoms some in other countries will never experience: We all have a voice in our elections. It is our right to speak and write freely, standing up for causes we believe in. We can worship as we choose (or not at all), without fear of government persecution. And most importantly, our government is founded on the belief that all people are created equal, allowing us to make the most of ourselves and our lives, as well as make significant strides against all forms of discrimination.

With all that America has given to us, it is our duty to stay involved in her future. This includes understanding the issues before our government and staying informed regarding decisions our elected officials are making each day. Magna Sententia states that each one of us is responsible for ourselves, and it is impossible to fulfill this responsibility completely if we do not know what is going on in our country and how these concerns are being addressed.

As we think about our lives here in America on this Independence Day, please don’t forget to remember the men and women in our armed forces who have sacrificed so much throughout our nation’s history for our freedoms and way of life. If you know people who have served our country, tell them how much you appreciate them and their service. Some of them have never heard a much deserved “thank you” from any of us.

Have a fun, safe day as you celebrate this Fourth of July and all that it means to be an American.

Anna and Ellie Sherise
Creators of Magna Sententia
Authors of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society

Obama Recognizes 40th Anniversary Of Gay Rights Movement

The Axiom Of Respect

Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior

By Treating Themselves And Others

Respectfully And Respecting

Only Those Who Earn It

“Hundreds of leaders from the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community gathered in the East Room of the White House Monday to commemorate the 40^th anniversary of the launch of the gay rights movement.” (“Obama Works To Address Concerns Among Gay Supporters“) In his remarks, President Obama assured the LGBT Community that he and his administration fully understand their position and will continue to champion their rights:

Now this struggle, I don’t need to tell you, is incredibly difficult, although I think it’s important to consider the extraordinary progress that we have made. There are unjust laws to overturn and unfair practices to stop. And though we’ve made progress, there are still fellow citizens, perhaps neighbors or even family members and loved ones, who still hold fast to worn arguments and old attitudes; who fail to see your families like their families; and who would deny you the rights that most Americans take for granted. And I know this is painful and I know it can be heartbreaking.

And yet all of you continue, leading by the force of the arguments you make but also by the power of the example that you set in your own lives — as parents and friends, as PTA members and leaders in the community. And that’s important, and I’m glad that so many LGBT families could join us today. For we know that progress depends not only on changing laws but also changing hearts. And that real, transformative change never begins in Washington.

Every American must realize that the people of the LGBT Community are important members of all of our neighborhoods and schools, local governments and volunteer services, churches and synagogues; they, like all Americans, deserve equal rights and treatment. Magna Sententia specifies that we treat all people respectfully, and on this special anniversary, please take the time to remember and reach out to those you love who are in part of the LGBT Community. Let them know how much you appreciate their struggle, and ask how you can be of support.

If you do not know anyone in this Community, visit your local LGBT advocate center and offer to volunteer wherever they need help. When you do, you will meet some of the most kind, compassionate individuals you have ever met, and you will have an increased understanding of the difficulties and discrimination they face. Knowing them personally will help you put yourself in their place, and you will see that they are just people asking to be treated with the same respect afforded to every other member of our society.

We applaud President Obama for his words of support, and it is our hope that all citizens of our country will open their hearts to the LBGT Community.

Anna and Ellie Sherise
Creators of Magna Sententia
Authors of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society