Anna Suggests: Do What You Are

If you are like multitudes of Americans, you may have just lost your job, been forced to downsize your home, or drastically curbed your spending because of our current economic recession. I know from personal experience how stressful tough financial times and unemployment can be, but instead of feeling hopeless and depressed, we can take our struggles as an opportunity to re-evaluate the path we have chosen for our lives and analyze where we are, where we have been, and where we want to go.

It is immensely satisfying to encounter individuals who love their work. You can always tell whether or not people do! Unfortunately, I don’t run into this too often, but a few years ago, my husband and I hired a man to stucco our home, and it was a delight to watch the pride with which this man and his co-workers performed their work. I will never forget them. Just recently, we remodeled our bathroom, and the individuals we worked with were so enthusiastic and professional, taking pride in the finished product, that the process was a joy. How much different both of these experiences would have been if the people I hired didn’t want to be there.

In fact, these two experiences are in stark contrast to what I normally come across. I’m sure you know what I am talking about: The waiter at the restaurant who never fills your water glass, mixes up your order, and seems annoyed when you ask for extra napkins. Or the college professor who delivers the same lectures each semester for years, never modifying them to reflect current events or other relevant changes. Sometimes, I feel like people are just going through the motions until their workday is over – and that always leaves me a bit frustrated and often disappointed.

Do you really love your job or is there another occupation that you have always dreamed of pursuing? Maybe now is a good time to return to school for new training or a completely different career. With every choice we make, there is give and take, but what matters most is that at the end of our lives, we have made the most of our days. Making sure that we are satisfied with our choices takes courage and perseverance, but in order to feel fulfilled, we must remember that our contentment is more important than the size of our paychecks. Life is much too short to do something day in and day out that does not make us happy.

A number of years ago, I read a great book on this subject: “Do What You Are: Discover the Perfect Career for You Through the Secrets of Personality Type” by Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger. I would highly recommend this if you are at a crossroads and need to make a change.

Let me know if you decide that now is the time for you to pursue your dreams!

Anna Sherise
Co-Creator of Magna Sententia
Co-Author of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society

Disclaimer
Anna Sherise and Ellie Sherise are not licensed or trained healthcare professionals, counselors, or financial advisors. This article is provided for informational purposes only, and is not intended to take the place of the care and advice given to you by your physician, counselor, other healthcare professional, or financial advisor. Sherise Media LLC, its members and representatives, specifically disclaim all responsibility for any liability, loss, or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this article and/or website.

Ask Anna & Ellie: You Deserve Someone You Can Trust!

Dear Anna and Ellie:

I recently became involved with an ex-boyfriend. It was very unexpected, yet I found myself becoming very attached to him again, even though it ended badly last time. I am unsure as to what his intentions are, but am afraid that he may be seeing someone else, and keeping his options open.

I know that we both care deeply for each other, but am afraid that he still doesn’t know what he wants. I think I need to cut it off again, but am consumed by my memories of the good times we had together.

Please help me get him off of my mind!

–Burned Again

Dear Burned Again:

While you are the only person who can truly get your ex-boyfriend off your mind, we can help you look at your situation objectively so that your decision regarding your relationship with him has the best probable outcome.

Admittedly, we have limited information, and you know your situation better than we do; however, let’s start with your signed name, “Burned Again.” Your ex-boyfriend obviously hurt you in the past, and you think that you got the short end of the stick. Perhaps he lied to you or cheated on you, but whatever he did, you feel “burned.” In addition, you worry about getting involved with him again because “it ended badly last time.”

You deserve someone you can trust! Never forget that. It is nearly impossible to trust someone when you are “unsure as to what his intentions are, but [are] afraid that he may be seeing someone else, and keeping his options open.” Life and relationships are so difficult, and it is easy to let our emotions influence our decisions. When we find ourselves in situations such as yours, we need to step back and think about what how we are feeling and why, as well as all of the possible outcomes of our decision.

In Magna Sententia, one of the ways we make important decisions is to apply deductive reasoning to our situation. Deductive reasoning is the reasoning technique in which conclusions are true because the information used to reach them are absolutely true. In deductive reasoning, true statements are arranged in an orderly fashion to form a complete line of reasoning. Further, the content of these statements determines the conclusion, so varying sets of true statements compel different conclusions. It is worth repeating that in deductive reasoning, a conclusion is proven true only if all of the statements used to prove it are true. If any of the statements used in the line of reasoning are actually false, the conclusion may or may not be true.

We use deductive reasoning to reach conclusions solely about our feelings and behavior since it is impossible to know for certain that statements are absolutely true when they concern future events and influences or the feelings and intentions of others.

The following is a hypothetical example of how deductive reasoning might work for you. (We are not trying to put words in your mouth; we just want to show you the process.) Start by asking yourself leading questions to help you gather all of the facts surrounding your situation:

Question	Why should I get back together with my ex-boyfriend?
Answer	I have been lonely since we broke up, and I have never found another man I like as much as him. I care deeply for him (you can only really know your feelings), and I have found myself becoming very attached to him again. I am consumed by my memories of the good times we had together.
Question	Why shouldn’t I get back together with my ex-boyfriend?
Answer	Things ended badly last time, and I am unsure as to what his intentions are now. I am afraid that he may be seeing someone else and keeping his options open. I feel like I am much more committed to him than he has ever been to me, and I find it hard to trust him.
Question	How could getting involved with someone who is hard to trust negatively affect me and my life?
Answer	My life will be more stressful if I am constantly worried that he is seeing someone else, and if I get back together with him and he hurts me again, I will feel badly about myself for allowing him to treat me poorly.

Then, call up the facts in an orderly way, forming a complete line of reasoning that reaches a conclusion resolving what you should do about your ex-boyfriend:

Fact	I really want to get back together with my ex-boyfriend because I care deeply for him and am consumed by my memories of the good times we had together.
Fact	Things ended badly last time, and I am unsure as to what his intentions are now.
Fact	My life will be more stressful if I am constantly worried that he is seeing someone else, and if I get back together with him and he hurts me again, I will feel badly about myself for allowing him to treat me poorly.
Conclusion	Even though I want to get back together with my ex-boyfriend, it would be damaging for me and my life to get involved with someone I do not trust, no matter how much I care for him. Therefore, I should not rekindle my relationship with my ex-boyfriend.

Try this for yourself, and let us know if it helps and what you decide. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to contact us!

–Anna & Ellie

Do you have a life or relationship question for Anna and Ellie? Do you want to know how Magna Sententia applies to your situation? Submit your question here!

Disclaimer
Anna Sherise and Ellie Sherise are not licensed or trained healthcare professionals, counselors, or financial advisors. “Ask Anna & Ellie” is provided for informational purposes only, and is not intended to take the place of the care and advice given to you by your physician, counselor, other healthcare professional, or financial advisor. Sherise Media LLC, its members and representatives, specifically disclaim all responsibility for any liability, loss, or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this article and/or website.

Free Writing Fridays: Why Ruin Your Face With Botox?

The Axiom Of Respect

Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior

By Treating Themselves And Others

Respectfully And Respecting

Only Those Who Earn It

I am at the age when nearly every face I see during the day looks younger and more vibrant than the one staring back at me in the mirror. It is so easy to want to turn back the clock and have the face I used to have (which I didn’t appreciate when I had it), but unfortunately, that can’t happen.

Today, however, I saw something that just might change my fantasies: the slideshow “Aging Naturally Or With A Little . . . Help?” of stars like Lisa Rinna, Priscilla Presley, Kenny Rogers, and others who have literally ruined their faces with procedures that were supposed to make them look young again. We expect botched surgeries to happen to the general public who cannot afford top-notch physicians and plastic surgeons, but this slideshow proves that cosmetic surgery is dangerous no matter who you are or what your income level. Just take a peek at Priscilla Presley. She looks so awful that it is hard to see her and not feel extremely sorry for her – and she used to be so pretty!

Botox treatments, collagen lip injections, and plastic surgery are performed on millions every year, not just celebrities. But why? I think we 40-somethings (and above) need to think about what we are doing to ourselves in our unattainable pursuit of youth. Why are we trying so hard to be what we are not? Why can’t we embrace our wisdom and knowledge, as well as the looks that come with the territory? Maybe crow’s feet and wrinkles should be thought of as badges of honor.

Thankfully, some celebrities see clearly when it comes to these procedures: “‘I tried Botox once, and it was really not good for me. I felt like I had a weight on my head,’ [Jennifer Aniston] told the April 2009 issue of British Elle. The 40-year-old went on to say, ‘I think it [Botox] makes women look older. Harder. The warmth in their faces goes away. You see women, and you know they’re not young, but you can’t tell how old they are. That’s what stopped me.’” Hopefully, this will also stop the rest of us!

Considering the American Society of Plastic Surgeons reports that as of 2007, there have been “4.6 million [Botox] procedures in the United States” alone (and who knows how many other cosmetics procedures), I know that what I am saying will probably fall on deaf ears. (“Wikipedia: Botulinum Toxin“) However, I for one am going to turn over a new leaf: The next time I look in the mirror, I am going to try to make friends with the features I now have that remind me of my grandma. I loved my grandma, wrinkles and all, and I hope I can learn to love the new (old) me.

Anna Sherise
Co-Creator of Magna Sententia
Co-Author of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society

Daniel Hauser & Alexander Draper: Medically Neglected Teens

The Axiom Of Responsibility

Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior

By Taking Responsibility

For Themselves And Their Children

It seems as though there is a constant stream of horrific stories about parental abuse, neglect, and murder, and it makes us sick. Just consider the stories of 13-year-old Daniel Hauser and 14-year-old Alexander Draper making Internet headlines this afternoon:

Daniel [Hauser] was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma and stopped chemotherapy in February after a single treatment. He and his parents [Colleen and Anthony Hauser] opted instead for “alternative medicines” based on their religious beliefs. Child protection workers accused Daniel’s parents of medical neglect; but in court, his mother insisted the boy wouldn’t submit to chemotherapy for religious reasons and she said she wouldn’t comply if the court orders it.

Doctors have said Daniel’s cancer had up to a 90 percent chance of being cured with chemotherapy and radiation. Without those treatments, doctors said his chances of survival are 5 percent.

Daniel’s parents have been supporting what they say is their son’s decision to treat the disease with nutritional supplements and other alternative treatments favored by the Nemenhah Band. The Missouri-based religious group believes in natural healing methods advocated by some American Indians. [. . .] Daniel’s tumor shrunk after the first chemotherapy session, but X-rays show it has grown since he stopped the chemotherapy. (“Judge Rules Family Can’t Refuse Chemo For Boy“)

Given his age, coupled with the fact that “court filings also indicated [he] has a learning disability and can’t read,” Daniel is in no position to make decisions regarding his treatment, and it is negligent for his parents to give him this responsibility. To make matters worse, after Brown County District Judge John Rodenberg ordered Colleen and Anthony Hauser to seek traditional cancer treatment for their son, Colleen fled with Daniel to Mexico. (“Daniel Hauser’s Dad Pleas For Mom, Cancer Teen Fleeing Chemo To Return Home“) As to the claim that this order violates the Hausers’ religious freedom: Religious freedom, which protects against governmental persecution for worshiping in one’s chosen manner, does not give parents the right to criminally neglect their children.

Next comes the story of negligent mother Jerri Gray of Greenville County, S.C., whose son Alexander Draper is 555 pounds and “at a critical stage of health risk.” When the state ordered the boy to be taken into protective custody “due to medical neglect,” Gray also fled with her son. (“Mom, 555-Pound Son Found In Baltimore“) Fortunately, the two “were found hundreds of miles from their home [. . .] parked near a Laundromat in Baltimore, MD.”

According to Magna Sententia, parents are responsible for their children’s health. These awful stories of medical neglect will hopefully remind all of us that we do not own our children. They are our responsibility, and we must treat them with the utmost care and respect.

Anna and Ellie Sherise
Creators of Magna Sententia
Authors of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society

Free Audio Book: Magna Sententia Reading 26

Click on the following link to listen to the latest episode of the free audio version of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society:

Part Four: The Axiom Of Realistic Expectations,

Chapter Ten: Having Realistic Expectations For Yourself, Your Life, And Others,

Sections: Too Little, You Thirst – Too Much, You Drown – Learning Vignette;

Pages 250 – 263

Find out more about Magna Sententia.

Ask Anna & Ellie: Should I Lend Money To My Adult Son?

Dear Anna and Ellie:

My 26-year-old son wants to borrow money from me and I am not sure I want to lend it to him. He is very responsible and I think he would pay me back, for some reason though, I just don’t know if lending him money is a good idea.

Since he graduated from college, he has paid back his college loans, paid for his apartment, purchased furniture and other living necessities, and always pays off his credit cards. Like I said, he is responsible. I don’t know why I am hesitant. What do you think?

I think he will be disappointed and wonder why if I do not lend him the money. He needs a new car and has not been able to save for a down payment. I can afford it.

–Stingy Mom

Dear Stingy Mom:

You are not “stingy.” Your son is an adult and therefore responsible for himself (according to Magna Sententia). You are in no way obligated to lend him money for a new car, even if he is financially responsible, and you should do so only if you truly want to.

Most likely, you are hesitant to lend your son money because this could easily negatively affect your relationship: He could fail to pay you back or get in the habit of asking you for money, leaving you uncomfortable, frustrated, or angry. It is completely reasonable for you to be wary of lending out money or important items to family and friends. No one wants money or material objects to become a thorn in these relationships, so between family and friends, it is best to only lend out what you don’t mind never seeing again.

If you would like to help your son, perhaps you could give him a gift that is not as much as the whole down payment, but would help him on his way. Otherwise, tell your son that you know he is responsible, but it would make you too uncomfortable to lend him the money because you would never want money to come between the two of you.

–Anna & Ellie

Do you have a life or relationship question for Anna and Ellie? Do you want to know how Magna Sententia applies to your situation? Submit your question here!

Disclaimer
Anna Sherise and Ellie Sherise are not licensed or trained healthcare professionals, counselors, or financial advisors. “Ask Anna & Ellie” is provided for informational purposes only, and is not intended to take the place of the care and advice given to you by your physician, counselor, other healthcare professional, or financial advisor. Sherise Media LLC, its members and representatives, specifically disclaim all responsibility for any liability, loss, or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this article and/or website.

Free Writing Fridays: No Place Like Home For Zero To Fives

The Axiom Of Responsibility

Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior

By Taking Responsibility

For Themselves And Their Children

I understand that there are many hardworking parents of young children who struggle to find reliable daycare, and if they are fortunate enough to locate such care, the worry surrounding how to pay for it adds even more stress to their already overwhelmed lives. Still, I am totally against any form of President Obama’s “Zero to Five” Plan, which according to BarackObama.com “will create Early Learning Challenge Grants to promote state ‘zero to five’ efforts and help states move toward voluntary, universal pre-school.”

I believe the only place for children from zero to five years of age is at home with one of their parents, and I am not alone:

In a 2005 Stanford University/University of California study that focused on children attending preschool, it was confirmed that attendance in preschool centers, even for short periods of time each week, hindered the rate at which young children developed social skills. These findings refuted the assertion by many that for children to develop socially, they must be involved in a classroom setting at a very early age. (“Home-Schooling: Zero To Five Plan Doesn’t Add Up“)

As parents, by keeping our “zero to five” children at home with us, we are able to teach them not only one on one, but also in the manner we choose, the importance of which is tremendous. This gives us the opportunity to teach our children our values, as well as observe their unique idiosyncrasies so that we can instruct them on how to overcome or accept their natural limitations. We can help them develop self-respect and instill a work ethic in them that promotes success in every area of their lives. None of this can truly be done in a classroom. Rather, it can only be accomplished by those who love the child and see him or her day in and day out.

We must also remember that there is more to raising children than what they learn in the classroom. Child psychologist and author David Elkind’s research on early childhood education has shown President Obama’s belief that “the earlier children start formal education, the better chance they have of being successful in life” is incorrect:

When we instruct children in academic subjects [ . . . ] at too early an age, we miseducate them; we put them at risk for a short-term stress and long-term personality damage [ . . . ] There is no evidence that such early instruction has lasting benefits, and considerable evidence that it can do lasting harm.

The most important issue for me, however, is that relying on public education to raise children takes this responsibility away from parents. The Axiom of Responsibility states that as parents, we have the responsibility to educate and prepare our children for their adult lives. If we give over our children’s minds to an institution from ages zero to five, we are not only abdicating our own responsibilities, we are cheating our children out of being raised properly.

So what are parents to do about reliable childcare? Organize their lives so that while one parent takes a turn caring for their zero to five, the other parent contributes to providing financially for their family. (No one has to stay at home full-time, and if someone does stay home, it doesn’t have to be the mother.) This requires creativity, sacrifice, and dedication, but it can be done.

Additionally, if you are considering becoming a parent but are unwilling to adjust your life in order for one parent to be present at all times during early childhood, then do not have children. I know I am probably stepping on a lot of toes today – but I believe this with all my heart.

Anna Sherise
Co-Creator of Magna Sententia
Co-Author of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society

Miss California USA: “Agree To Disagree & Show Respect”

The Axiom Of Respect

Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior

By Treating Themselves And Others

Respectfully And Respecting

Only Those Who Earn It

Miss California USA Carrie Prejean, 21, “stepped into the limelight unexpectedly just over three weeks ago when she declared her opposition to same-sex marriage in response to a question asked during the national pageant by [Perez] Hilton, a pageant judge. [. . .] Hilton, who is openly gay and a strong supporter of same-sex marriage, later posted a video rant online in which he called Prejean ‘a dumb bitch.’” (“Trump Brings Peace To Miss California USA Imbroglio“) The situation became even messier when seminude pictures of Prejean were leaked on the Internet, causing some to question if they “breached the contract [she] signed with the pageant” and whether she should lose her crown.

Fortunately for her, Donald Trump, who owns the Miss USA and Miss Universe pageants, announced Tuesday that he is going to “let [Prejean] keep her title” because in his opinion the photos were not in violation of her contract. She will soon “resume [her] duties as Miss California [USA].”

We are pleased with Trump’s decision: The seminude photographs in question are not any more risqué than those seen in Victoria’s Secret catalogues, and recognizing that Prejean is a model, it would be assumed that there would be a few photos of her that are revealing, yet tasteful (an accurate description of these photos). Furthermore, while we strongly disagree with Prejean’s stance on same-sex marriage, we all have a right to our own opinion. No pageant contestant should ever be publicly humiliated and ridiculed because of personal beliefs she expresses during the pageant, especially considering that contestants are required to answer questions asked of them, and one would expect she would answer honestly.

Pursuing Magna Sententia, we treat one another respectfully, even if we disagree. As Prejean said in her comments immediately following Trump’s announcement that she would retain her crown: “Think about how much better our society would be if we could just agree to disagree and show respect.” We could not agree more, and it is our hope that the same people who scorned her for her honest answer to a highly political question during the pageant and gawked at her photos on the Internet will pay just as close attention to her words of wisdom.

Anna and Ellie Sherise
Creators of Magna Sententia
Authors of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society

Free Audio Book: Magna Sententia Reading 25

Click on the following link to listen to the latest episode of the free audio version of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society:

Part Four: The Axiom Of Realistic Expectations,

Chapter Ten: Having Realistic Expectations For Yourself, Your Life, And Others,

Sections: The Ending Always Begins At The Beginning – Touch The Flame Once, Touch The Flame Twice, Only A Fool Would Touch The Flame Thrice;

Pages 243 – 249

Find out more about Magna Sententia.

Ask Anna & Ellie: Cheating Spouses & Divorce

Dear Anna and Ellie:

I just found out last week that my wife has been having an affair for the past year. She says she has wanted to break if off since Christmas, but she hasn’t. I want to leave and file for divorce, but then I think of our two kids. Should I break up our family? She told me yesterday that she is definitely going to end it. I don’t know what to do.

–Betrayed

Dear Betrayed:

You should ask her to leave, file for divorce, and make sure you get at least shared custody of your children.

Under Magna Sententia, we are all responsible for making sure we include in our lives only those who treat us respectfully, and cheating wives do not fall into this category. Spouses who have affairs break the bond of trust in their marriages, and you deserve a spouse you can trust.

Even healthy marriages have rough patches, and during these times, a trustworthy spouse voices his or her concerns about the relationship to his or her spouse so that they can work together to solve their problems. Sometimes, no amount of trying improves the marriage, and in these cases, a trustworthy spouse ends the marriage before starting another relationship. Having character means honoring your commitments and staying faithful until your marriage is over.

There are marriages that survive an affair, but they are the exception, not the rule, because it is extremely difficult to overcome the broken trust. In general, people are either trustworthy or they are not, and it is illogical to stay dedicated to a marriage when your spouse has already proven that he or she is less than committed. Our answer may sound too harsh for some and too simplistic for others, but realistically, individuals would save themselves a lot of time and trouble by adopting this attitude.

Your children are not reason enough to invest one more ounce of emotional energy into building a strong relationship with your wife.

–Anna & Ellie

Do you have a life or relationship question for Anna and Ellie? Do you want to know how Magna Sententia applies to your situation? Submit your question here!

Disclaimer
Anna Sherise and Ellie Sherise are not licensed or trained healthcare professionals, counselors, or financial advisors. “Ask Anna & Ellie” is provided for informational purposes only, and is not intended to take the place of the care and advice given to you by your physician, counselor, other healthcare professional, or financial advisor. Sherise Media LLC, its members and representatives, specifically disclaim all responsibility for any liability, loss, or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this article and/or website.