Ask Anna & Ellie: Friends Who Don’t Reciprocate Invitations

Dear Anna and Ellie:

My family has a friend who we have known for about six years. We have socialized with her every few months for the last three years or so, and we really enjoy her company. When we have been together, our meetings have included my husband and sometimes even our grown children. We all seem to have a great deal in common and our get-togethers have all been pleasant and enjoyable (for me and my family at least).

Here’s our problem: Every time we get together, it is because we made contact with her. She is always extremely cordial when we call, says he has been thinking of our family, and is always willing to see us – she just never initiates our visits.

Should we continue inviting her, or should we wait to see if she contacts us? Maybe she doesn’t really want to see us but just does not have the nerve to decline our invitations. What do you think?

–Not Sure About Inviting Again

Dear Not Sure:

There is no “one size fits all” answer to your question; however, we do have a few ideas that may help you decide what to do about your friend:

First of all, is your friend just an extremely shy person? If so, she may not feel comfortable being the one to initiate get-togethers, even if she is very thankful that you do. There are incredibly nice individuals who are almost paralyzed by shyness, and although you may not realize it, they actually greatly appreciate your friendship.

On the other hand, maybe she doesn’t really want to see you but accepts the invitation anyway because she can’t say “no” to people. This isn’t your problem. You are simply trying to be nice, and it is up to her to be strong enough to decline invitations she doesn’t want to accept.

Whether your friend is just shy or can’t say “no,” the most important factor is what you want out of the relationship: Will it be enough for you if your friend never invites you but always gladly accepts your invitations? (Realistic Expectation Six: “Never ask the moon to brighten your day.”) That is the question, and only you and your family can answer it.

–Anna & Ellie

Do you have a life or relationship question for Anna and Ellie? Do you want to know how Magna Sententia applies to your situation? Submit your question here!

Disclaimer
Anna Sherise and Ellie Sherise are not licensed or trained healthcare professionals, counselors, or financial advisors. “Ask Anna & Ellie” is provided for informational purposes only, and is not intended to take the place of the care and advice given to you by your physician, counselor, other healthcare professional, or financial advisor. Sherise Media LLC, its members and representatives, specifically disclaim all responsibility for any liability, loss, or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this article and/or website.

Free Writing Fridays: Corruption Predicted To “Skyrocket”

The Axiom Of Realistic Expectations

Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior

By Having Realistic Expectations

For Themselves, Their Lives, And Others

Please read the following excerpt from “Caught On Tape: Bribes, Public Corruption“:

In recent years, the number of public corruption cases investigated by the FBI has exploded, with 2,430 pending probes of public officials.

That’s nearly double the 1,300 cases in 2003.

And the FBI, which is already probing possible fraud at mortgage and other financial firms, believes corruption cases could rise further as billions of dollars in stimulus money is handed down from Washington to states and cities.

“While the FBI is surging to mortgage fraud investigations, our expectation is that economic crimes will continue to skyrocket,” FBI Director Robert Mueller told members of the Senate Judiciary Committee on Wednesday.

“The unprecedented level of financial resources committed by the federal government to combat the economic downturn will lead to an inevitable increase in economic crime and public corruption cases,” he said.

Throughout time, individuals have hurt the innocent for personal gain, as well as abused their authority. And they will continue to, which is why the balance of power between the people and their government is such a delicate one, the extremes being lawless and Big Brother societies, respectively. (Realistic Expectation Five: “Too little, you thirst – too much, you drown.”)

In my opinion, Americans today are far too willing to trade their personal freedom in exchange for less personal responsibility, and in doing so, they are expanding the hand of government and providing greater opportunities for corrupt public officials.

Yes, we should be able to trust those in positions of authority, but no, it isn’t the smart thing to do. Of course, we need to fix our economy, but the thought of all of that stimulus money (the taxpayers’ money) being “handed down from Washington to states and cities” via our giant bureaucracy makes me quite worried.

As new political debates arise, please keep in mind that in order for us to have a life of security and freedom, we don’t have to look to anyone other than ourselves. It is time for us to take responsibility for our futures! Instead of being helpless victims, why don’t we become our own solution?

Ellie Sherise
Co-Creator of Magna Sententia
Co-Author of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society

Staying Involved: President Obama To Have Online Town Hall-Style Forum On Thursday

The Axiom Of Realistic Expectations

Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior

By Having Realistic Expectations

For Themselves, Their Lives, And Others

This morning, President “Obama will make himself ‘Open for Questions’ from regular Americans through a town hall-style meeting with an unusual twist – all of the questions will be submitted via the internet.” (“Obama To Hold Digital News Conference“) “Already over 70,000 Americans have sent in over 80,000 questions for the president.”

You can watch President Obama’s “digital news conference” at www.whitehouse.gov or ABCNews.com at 11:30 A.M. ET this morning.

Magna Sententia’s Realistic Expectation One states, “The ending always begins at the beginning,” and whether you agree with President Obama’s policies or not, decisions are currently being made that will affect all of our futures.

Every American needs to stay involved, and this online forum may prove to be a useful way to make your voice heard. Submit your question, vote on other questions, and watch to see if your concerns are answered.

Anna and Ellie Sherise
Creators of Magna Sententia
Authors of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society

Free Audio Book: Magna Sententia Reading 18

Click on the following link to listen to the latest episode of the free audio version of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society:

Part Three: The Axiom Of Respect,

Chapter Seven: Treating Others Respectfully,

Section: Cordiality;

Pages 165 – 172

Find out more about Magna Sententia.

Ask Anna & Ellie: Responsibly Handling A Mid-Life Crisis

Dear Anna and Ellie:

This may just be a classic case of a mid-life crisis of sorts, but I would appreciate your opinion nonetheless. I am 48 years old, have been happily married for nearly 30 years, have three grown children (the youngest has special needs), and I feel like I need a change. I am still in love with my husband, have no desire whatsoever to be with anyone else, I love my children, but my life just seems to chug along and I never seem to make it to where I want to be. The responsibilities of my life take so much time, I never get to concentrate on the goals I have for myself that are very important to me.

Lately, it is all just making me sad. The years are flying by, and I am basically still in the same place I have always been. I also don’t like the climate where I live, but my family says this is a nice place and other places will have their problems too. It is too cold here for me. I like warm weather, grew up in a humid climate, and would like to move – but I guess now is not a good time for that either.

I just get sad because I am always waiting for things to come through, or progress to be made, and there is always something that gets in the way.

I know there are people with much bigger problems than this – but this is eating at me and it gets worse as the years go by.

–Still Cleaning & Keeping House When I’d Rather Be At Work

Dear Still Cleaning & Keeping House:

Everyone has needs and desires, and you are not selfish for wanting to concentrate on your goals. What is selfish is when individuals constantly place their desires over those of others, and thus the healthiest thing to do is not to always give or always take, but to work with the ones you love to find a balance between everyone’s needs. (Granted, this is much easier to say than do, and things cannot be equal all of the time, but it is the ideal to work toward.)

So, have you shared your goals with your husband? He needs to know them because first, just expressing your feelings can help relieve pent-up frustration (especially when you know someone you love is listening) and second, the two of you must work together for you to make the progress you desire. Strong marriages are balanced, and if something is extremely important to you, your husband will (or should) want to support you. Maybe this means he needs to help more around the house, or if his career is quite demanding and you can afford it, you might want to hire help to free up some of your time.

Note: please make sure your goals are realistic. Nothing causes discontent like unrealistic goals! Choose your goals wisely, and set a reasonable timeframe for them. You will be saving yourself a lot of aggravation.

Do you take time to do something you enjoy for at least 30 minutes each day? (This is part of Magna Sententia’s Axiom of Responsibility.) It is extremely difficult to continually give out to others if you do not take time to restore yourself, and when you never take time for yourself, life will wear you out. This is especially true since you have a child with special needs, which surely requires an enormous amount of energy on your part. When was the last time you had a break and felt truly relaxed? If at all possible, an annual vacation is a good idea; it doesn’t have to be expensive, just a change of pace with little or no responsibilities. Everything looks better if you are well-rested and fresh!

Most importantly, do not suppress your feelings, but at the same time, do not let them completely overrule your better judgment. Of course, people get tired. That is typically what most mid-life crises are: individuals getting tired of all of the responsibility and monotony of life, and in some cases, this requires action to get over. However, if you make changes, do so in a way that is beneficial in both the short- and long-term. Many people who go through a mid-life crisis end up destroying the life they worked so hard to build and really regret it later. When you still love the people around you, but are tired of your life, make changes that keep your family and relationships whole.

As to moving to a warmer climate: this might be just what you need, although in order to move, your entire family would have to relocate. Does your husband like warm climates? Would your husband be able to keep his job? Do your grown children live close by? If they do, you would be moving away from them, and you might really miss them. You will have to decide how important the climate is to you and if moving is a feasible option for you and your husband at this time. If it isn’t, you can still reach a compromise: Perhaps you and your husband could take that annual vacation we mentioned above to a warm climate when the weather is most miserable where you live.

Your problem is a real problem, and we hope that you feel better soon.

–Anna & Ellie

Do you have a life or relationship question for Anna and Ellie? Do you want to know how Magna Sententia applies to your situation? Submit your question here!

Disclaimer
Anna Sherise and Ellie Sherise are not licensed or trained healthcare professionals, counselors, or financial advisors. “Ask Anna & Ellie” is provided for informational purposes only, and is not intended to take the place of the care and advice given to you by your physician, counselor, other healthcare professional, or financial advisor. Sherise Media LLC, its members and representatives, specifically disclaim all responsibility for any liability, loss, or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this article and/or website.

Free Writing Fridays: Life Is Too Short To Have An Affair

The Axiom Of Respect

Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior

By Treating Themselves And Others

Respectfully And Respecting

Only Those Who Earn It

According to “When Love Isn’t Enough,” a growing number of married men and women are using the Internet to have extramarital affairs. “Websites, like the wildly successful Ashley Madison [whose motto is 'Life is short. Have an affair.'], cater specifically to married people. And while it’s impossible to know exactly how many cheating spouses exist online, Ashley Madison CEO Noel Biderman said his site has 3.5 million members, 70 percent of whom are male.” Interestingly, Biderman believes this number “‘is just the beginning,’” a mere drop in the proverbial bucket of disrespectful, self-centered, shallow, and shameful cheaters (my description, not his!).

The women featured in the article represent scores of women out there who do not deserve to be married to their “wonderful” husbands. When they choose to cheat, they are only thinking of themselves, and surprisingly, they show no remorse for being the disgraceful good-for-nothings they most certainly are. Instead of having a fluff article written about them, they should be rebuked by our society for their behavior.

Husbands and wives: If you are unhappy in your marriage, tell your spouse. If, after discussing your problems and concerns with your spouse, he or she is unsupportive or uninterested in trying to take steps to mend the relationship (such as getting counseling), then have the nerve to file for divorce. While divorce is a drastic step, it is sometimes necessary, and incompatibility is one such circumstance.

Magna Sententia specifies that we treat one another respectfully, and cheating on your spouse is definitely not treating him or her respectfully. Openly communicating your feelings, attempting to work out a compromise or resolution, and ultimately divorcing is treating your spouse respectfully. It is the honorable thing to do when there is no other solution.

Truth be told, these women are probably taking the easy way out: They want their husbands to continue supporting them while they go fooling around with another loser like themselves.

Anna Sherise
Co-Creator of Magna Sententia
Co-Author of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society

Christopher Dodd & The AIG Loophole: Do As You Say & Say As You Do

The Axiom Of Respect

Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior

By Treating Themselves And Others

Respectfully And Respecting

Only Those Who Earn It

The entire country seems to be outraged over the bonuses American International Group (AIG) paid their executives using funds from the $787 billion stimulus bill passed into law last month. While we know that everyone has his or her own opinion regarding the stimulus bill itself, as well as the cause of our country’s economic downturn, one thing we can all hopefully agree on is that we as citizens deserve honesty from our elected officials. Our nation cannot afford to have elected officials, such as Sen. Christopher Dodd, say one thing and then change his story a few days later.

As Chairman of the Senate Banking Committee, Dodd originally “den[ied] having anything to do with crafting language in the stimulus bill that allowed bailed-out insurance giant [AIG] to keep its bonuses”; however, he now admits “he and the Treasury Department were responsible for the loopholes.” (“Dodd Admits To Role In AIG Loophole“) Interestingly, “many of the bonuses in question were awarded to executives” who live in Dodd’s “home state” of Connecticut.

Not surprisingly, Senator Dodd claims his conflicting comments in recent interviews were “misunderstood,” but they certainly raise suspicion. In a day when elected officials continually serve their own self-interest at the expense of our nation, to be truly trustworthy, their actions must be beyond reproach each and every day.

Being trustworthy is paramount to following Magna Sententia, and personally, we have tremendous admiration for those who can stand up and admit they made a mistake. (Dodd should have come clean immediately after the public learned of the bonuses.) Admitting our mistakes takes a great deal of courage and strength, and it also works to build trust.

Dodd and all of our elected officials would be wise to conduct themselves in keeping with the old adage, “Do as you say, and say as you do.”

Anna and Ellie Sherise
Creators of Magna Sententia
Authors of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society

Free Audio Book: Magna Sententia Reading 17

Click on the following link to listen to the latest episode of the free audio version of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society:

Part Three: The Axiom Of Respect,

Chapter Seven: Treating Others Respectfully,

Section: Cordiality;

Pages 157 – 165

Find out more about Magna Sententia.

Free Writing Fridays: The Magna Sententia Wedding Rule

The Axiom Of Respect

Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior

By Treating Themselves And Others

Respectfully And Respecting

Only Those Who Earn It

As promised in this week’s “Ask Anna & Ellie,” today I am going to explain more about The Magna Sententia Wedding Rule: Those who pay have the final say.

For Parents

If you are paying: Even though you “have the final say,” treat the wedding couple respectfully by showing consideration for their desires and attempting to reach a compromise in every area of the wedding planning process. When there is a disagreement, listen to all other parties’ concerns and opinions with an open mind, understanding that the goal is a happy celebration for everyone.

If you are not paying: Although it is a nice gesture of support to offer your assistance to the bride and groom, give them room to make their own decisions. Only offer your opinion when asked, and be sure to clarify that your input is just a recommendation. (Do not put extra pressure on them!) Even if it isn’t the way you would have done it, let them enjoy their special day with a smile on your face, and be thankful that they think enough of you to want you there.

For The Bride & Groom

If you are paying: Make responsible choices, and only spend what your budget allows. Additionally, do not expect help from your parents or others; this is your show. Work together to create a wedding that pleases both of you. Above all, enjoy the celebration of your new life together.

If you are not paying: Receive with gratitude, and show appreciation for your parents’ generosity by assisting them in every way possible. While you can certainly express your ideas for the day in a respectful manner, remember that it isn’t really “your” wedding; rather, you are the guest of honor at the wedding your parents are hosting.

Of course, following Magna Sententia means treating others respectfully at all times, so if you are the one paying for a wedding, this rule is not a license to do whatever you want without taking others’ desires into consideration. It is, however, the bottom line, and if all parties involved treat it as such, your wedding planning process will be a lot less stressful.

If you have any further questions regarding The Magna Sententia Wedding Rule, please contact us. Ellie and I are happy to help!

Anna Sherise
Co-Creator of Magna Sententia
Co-Author of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society

Update: Rihanna & Chris Brown May Be Reconciling

The Axiom Of Respect

Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior

By Treating Themselves And Others

Respectfully And Respecting

Only Those Who Earn It

Rihanna fans around the world are reacting to the news that she and Chris Brown may be reconciling. For many, it is extremely disappointing, and for others, it even calls into question whether Rihanna remains the positive role model she has been for a multitude of young girls.

According to “Rihanna: Role Model No More?“, many teen girls feel that Rihanna is “not sending the right message to kids.” As 17-year-old Britteny Hughes put it, Rihanna is “making it seem like its OK to get hit by your boyfriend and get back together with him.” Some are even vowing not to listen to her music in the future: “She’s just retarded and I just hope she knows that I’m not going to listen to her ever again,” said Maggie, a 15-year-old former fan and student at New York City’s High school for Environmental Studies.

We are pleased that there are strong young women out there who do not tolerate domestic violence in any degree. Magna Sententia specifies that not only should we strive to treat others respectfully, but we must also treat ourselves respectfully, which includes protecting ourselves from unhealthy relationships.

Domestic violence typically starts with the abuser demeaning and belittling his victim, gradually escalating to controlling behavior and physical assault. If you have someone in your life who abuses you in any way, find safety immediately. You do not need this person in your life, no matter how much you think you do. True love doesn’t hurt, and you are worthy of true love.

A special note to mothers: If your partner abuses you in front of your children, it is your responsibility to protect them by leaving. Please, do not allow your children to witness such destructive behavior because this greatly increases the risk that they will become abusers or victims of abuse themselves. (Chris Brown’s stepfather beat his mother.)

As we stated in “Respect Only Those Who Earn It: Chris Brown Allegedly Beats Rihanna,” if you are a victim of domestic violence, please seek assistance immediately. There are many wonderful, caring people throughout our country that can help you escape your abuser. (The number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which is open 24 hours a day in all 50 states, is 1-800-799-SAFE[7233].)

Anna and Ellie Sherise
Creators of Magna Sententia
Authors of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society